Love Hurts

lim·er·ence / ˈlimərəns/ • n. Psychol. the state of being infatuated or obsessed with another person, typically involuntary, and characterized by a strong desire for reciprocation of one's feelings but not primarily for a sexual relationship. A remarkable ability to emphasize what is truly admirable in the limerent object and to avoid dwelling on the negative or render it into another positive attribute.
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Today I learned a new word for an old feeling. If you were to ask me for a definition of that feeling in 9th grade, I would've called it love. I fell for Debbie Wright in Mrs. Dennis' first period Sociology class. I couldn't help but daydream about what it would be like to be her boyfriend. Not only was she drop dead gorgeous but she seemed to possess a demure and reserved quality that I always found attractive in a girl. The bonus was that she was within my tolerance, being an inch taller than me at 5'-0".

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I seized my first opportunity to reveal my undying love for her by way of a school wide delivery of telegrams and roses on Secret Admirer Day. I tried to think of some witty zinger that would sweep her off her feet. Something like, "Are you tired? Because you’ve been running around in my mind all day!" but no, that was too corny. I thought about, "Here I am! What were your other two wishes?" Nah! Too presumptuous. I finally decided on what I thought would be the perfect understated "come on" of the century, "Love, Your Secret Admirer".

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I was ready for the big morning of deliveries. Afterward, I envisioned us strolling out of class, hand in hand, carrying her books back to her locker and then "making out" until the tardy bell rang. I watched out of the corner of my eye as she received her rose with the most excellent note. It was perfect! She had a huge bright smile as she glanced around the room. I averted her eyes as they looked my way. I was going to play this out to really make an impression. Just then a few of her girlfriends excitedly giggled with her. "Ahh! That's so sweet! Who's it from?" They asked. "I don't know." I heard her answer. Her girlfriends started guessing names and Tim Ahern never came up. Oh no! How could I have been so stupid? I didn't even sign my name.

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A few days later, she found out because I let her girlfriends know but the special moment was gone. She politely smiled and said, "thank you" and that was that. No hugs, no hand holding or making out, just thank you. I didn't even become a "Just Friends". The pain and heartache was lessened when I found out she already had a crush on one of the football players. At least she wasn't available and didn't flat out reject me. Small, forgive the pun, consolation.

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On one occasion Jesus was asked what commandment was the most important. "The most important one," answered Jesus, "is this: 'Hear, O Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is one. Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.' The second is this: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' There is no commandment greater than these." Mark 12:29-31

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I don't want to slam on the limerence of youth and their confusion with interpreting true love. God created infatuations to get us to the dance but some of us got hooked on the ride instead of the destination. It's no wonder I spent my high school years and early twenties searching for an ideal no one could ultimately fulfill. I got high on the falling in love with my "perfect woman". I always wanted what I couldn't have and ran away when I found out they weren't so flawless. Through my own insecurities, I wasted much of my youth chasing an elusive dream that never existed in the first place. Like a mirage, the perfect woman wouldn't be so perfect once she said yes to me anyways.

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Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

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Always perseveres.

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That's the kicker isn't it? At one time or another, you can do most of those attributes fairly well. You can even flub up on some of them from time to time and still be in love. With perseverance though, you either do it or you don't. That virtuous quality rejects quitters and spits out the lukewarm feelings of the "wannabes."

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For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life." John 3:16

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I wasn't able to truly love my wife until I understood what Jesus Christ did for us on the cross. Our love has grown deeper through the years as we face life's challenges. Knowing God will never quit on us, how could we quit on him?

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Now, my love never hurts.